a dollar sign is the cheesiest

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Losing Grip and moving on

"I know what Happiness is, Coz I've experienced hundred folds of loneliness."~zZy Martinez

When people think about letting go, moving on and finding happiness in another person or different things, they think of misery, pain, depression, and all sorts of negativity. Well not for me. Because since I did, everything fell into place. I was having the best time of my life and I think that I found him. Patrick brought me back to life. He made me believe in “forever” again. I suddenly forgot how it felt like when I was hurting like hell. Ok!? Do I sound like I speak of Prince Charming from Walt Disney’s films? You can’t blame me. I’m very happy and yeah I feel like I’m Cinderella, Snow White, Princess Aurora and Ariel all at the same time.

My family and friends very well know what I’ve been through from my pass relationship. I was stuck with a guy for 5 years. And it didn’t end in a snap which was more painful because of the mental and emotional torture he was causing me. I did everything to save the relationship. I bargained for his love and pleased him with anything including seeing him when the new girl is not around. I guess that made him happy two ladies sharing his love. My friends were already slapping me when I tell them about these things. They wanted me to move on and be happy. They thought I lost my sanity for trying to win him back over and over again. What they didn’t know is I was already trying to get rid of him. I was even asking God to help me but the problem is---Just when I’m 99% over, he gives me a spark of hope and tells me that he’ll be back, wait for him and soon he’ll dump the new girl. 1% was strong enough to pull me back again. BUT HE DIDN’T. This happened over and over again.Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that he still cared. Whether I walked away or stayed to hang on. What was my point loving him? What was his point loving someone else? When he left--- How is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? mine, his hers! If there is any sense I don't see it. The odds are always stacked against us, mistake after mistake. Until some great news saved me from eternal damnation----I'M SORRY, SHE IS PREGNANT!

"Sometimes I wake up crying at night and sometimes I scream out your name. What right does she have to take your heart away? When for so long you were mine. Please tell me she's not real and that you're really coming home to stay." -You were mine by Dixie Chicks

This is the most painful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I was even on the verge of committing suicide. I flunk my exams. My grades are almost failing, I was having a hard time resurrecting in class, I hated everyone, my life was falling apart. I was even thinking about quitting school for a while and pick up the pieces of my life he crushed with his foot. I didn't see myself very clearly. The pain is growing more and more intolerable by the second. The burning in my chest flared agonizingly. Everything felt like an echo an empty echo.

Until one night, I’ve received a friend request in facebook from some unknown guy. I don’t know why but I accepted his friend request. I usually don’t when I don’t know the person. My whim made click the “accept” button. And then I met Patrick. He took my number and we became friends. Looky Looky here, he’s single for about 2 years, same age, we have about a hundred of common friends in facebook and in in real world, and he had a relationship with a girl for 4 years until she got preggers with another guy. This broke his heart so bad. She's what his dreams were made of. Hmmnnnn.. Sounds familiar.

I didn’t like him that much at first. but then he was persistent. I was falling for him unconsciously and now we already had 1 year together. since then life was a lot better. I found a better man and as days pass by I realized that he's everything I wanted ever since. He is exactly the same guy I was wishing for. God granted my prayers at the most perfect time and moment of my life (Now I believe that God has only 2 answers for every wish we make, Yes and Wait). Now you know why i speak like a Disney Princess.

Reader, if you're going through the same thing I've experienced, Let go and be strong. Sometimes, holding on is fighting with your own fate--- That is finding your happy ever after. There is a point between holding on and letting go. Finding true love was like midsummer night's dream, like magic, you'll find who you're looking for, and maybe all of this things that are happening will make sense.Patrick loves me, as much as I loved him-- Unconditionally, Irrevocably and to be honest irrationally.I would love him more than anyone in the history of the world had loved anyone else. More than Juliet loved Romeo, more than Rose loved Jack and even more than Bella loved Edward.

I have proven that Patrick really did want me the way I wanted him ----FOREVER
**Also read 100 REASONS WHY I LOVE HIM (My Valentine's Gift)
**The photo above is really me and Patrick. It was taken during our Boracay Trip.


  1. This remind me of myself few years ago..bargaining to someone hoping that they will stay our willingness to accept the pain "just for him to stay"..so thank you to him coz if not i wont be here in Singapore,i wont be happier,i wont meet my husband now..

  2. Wow that's great :) Sometimes, holding on is fighting against your own fate. Just like what happened to you and I, by the time we let go, we found happiness. I like hearing stories about happy ever afters. Good luck to you and your husband. Stay in love and happy forver(♥.♥)

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  4. Joe-Ann M. VallagomesaMay 29, 2010 at 5:57 PM

    Nice story. `Wish I can have my Prince charming, too, who can find a happy ever after in me. I've been wishing that my entire life. But since my first love dumped me, all my wishes of a happy ever after faded and all I see are things that are sh*t and crap that reminds me of him. Wishing you and your husband all the best. I'm happy you found a happy ever after with your Prince Charming. Live prosperously. :)

  5. @ Joe-Ann He's not my husband yet :) Going 8 months bf/gf relationship pa lang. But I definitely wanna marry him =)

  6. aw.this is so great. finding your true love after all the pain..